John Carroll

Not that there was much chance of this happening, but I'm really glad that Dennis Kucinich has about as much a chance of becoming America's president as Mr. Ed the talking horse has of becoming the first colonist to Mars. The guy wants to cancel NAFTA and the WTO "from day one," wants to pull out all of our troops in Iraq NOW, and do a bunch of other things that are likely to decimate America's economy and make a complicated situation in the Middle East, and the world, even WORSE. He's the antithesis to Pat Robertson's ridiculous attempt in the 80s to run for president (Pat Robertson was the uber-conservative, to put it mildly).

He's still in the race, as is Al Sharpton, another unlikely first colonist to Mars, but at least Al Sharpton is funny.